96. Dr. Shillcutt on Discovering Self-Love Through Boundaries

Feb 16

Show yourself some love and self-care by setting boundaries! I’m joined by Dr. Sasha Shillcutt to talk about how to set boundaries at work, at home, and with ourselves to improve our lives. She explains how writing down what you need can help you have difficult conversations.

Improve Your Boundaries by Writing Down:

Your biggest pain point at this moment
The boundary you need
What you have to say to express that boundary
What’s the worse thing they could say?

Listen to Episode 96 Here

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About Dr. Sasha Shillcutt

Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD, MS, FASE is a tenured and endowed Professor and the Vice-Chair of Strategy in the Department of Anesthesiology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center (UNMC). She is the CEO & Founder of Brave Enough, a well-published researcher in cardiac anesthesiology and gender equity, author, and international speaker.

Sasha’s greatest passion is empowering and encouraging others to achieve well-being in their professional and personal lives. She speaks frequently to executives and leaders on the topics of professional resilience and gender equity.

Thousands of people have watched her TEDx talk titled Resilience: The Art of Failing Forward. Her writing features in both the New England Journal of Medicine and JAMA. She leads conferences and retreats for professional women through her organization, Brave Enough. Her first book, Between Grit and Grace: How to be Feminine and Formidable, debuted in February 2020.

Why Setting Boundaries is So Hard

I know we talk about the importance of boundaries a lot, but I think this conversation with Dr. Sasha Shillcutt really drives home the point of how setting boundaries is self-care and the biggest form of self-love you can show yourself. When we don’t have any boundaries in place, we can feel frazzled, all over the place, stressed, and like we’re only giving 3% of ourselves to the people we’re helping. It’s not healthy!

It can be difficult to open conversations about setting boundaries, as well. Not knowing how the other person will respond can lead you on a cycle of what-ifs, but Sasha assures us that having these conversations will change your life for the better.

One of the most common complaints Sasha hears from the women she works with is that they don’t have any work/life balance. But she says this is actually the easiest boundary to put in place, especially as women physicians! Your colleagues, employees, and patients will understand and appreciate what you put in place.

Setting Boundaries with At Home and Yourself

The harder boundaries to set are in your home life. Sasha says this is because we love and care about our family and don’t want to hurt their feelings. But, believe it or not, while these conversations will be difficult to have, your family will understand and respect the boundaries you ask for.

Sasha explains how you can start setting these boundaries. Opening up the conversation and explaining why you need to set these boundaries is so healthy. She says that even your youngest kids will learn your boundaries, even if you need to remind them a few times.

The most important boundary, however, is the one you set with yourself. If you don’t respect your boundaries, how do you expect anyone else to? Finally, Sasha talks about how to improve your boundaries in four simple steps.

What boundary do you feel you need to set the most? How will setting this boundary improve your life? Let me know in the comments below!

In This Episode

What it feels like to not have boundaries in place [6:45]
What can happen when you open communication about your boundaries [10:30]
How to set work/life boundaries [12:30]
Why it’s harder to set boundaries in your home life [13:00]
How to set boundaries with your family [16:00]
Why the most important boundary is the one you set with yourself [23:00]

Quotes

“I got to this very unhealthy place around the start of the pandemic where I felt like I had no control over anything. How did that happen? I’m the woman that preaches about being empowered and I’m the person who is making more money than ever, has more power and leadership roles than ever, and I feel like I have less control in my life. It’s because I didn’t have boundaries. No one had even talked to me about having boundaries. I had no idea what professional or personal boundaries were despite all of my years of training in medicine or going to leadership conferences.” [4:30]

“Most of the pain points in my life almost always come back to not having a boundary, either with a person, myself, work, colleagues, or my relationship. It always comes down to a lack of boundaries that I have not set as a person around whatever that is.” [5:57]

“I think the work/life boundary is often easier to fix. It’s really hard for your work to not respect your boundaries because you, as a woman physician, are so much more empowered than you believe yourself to be.” [12:30]

“A boundary that lives in your brain is not really a boundary because you haven’t communicated it.” [20:07]

“I’m not telling people to earn less or make less, everyone has to do what matches their priorities. But I do want to encourage you that if you are not living your priorities, you probably are lacking some boundaries.” [25:43]