179. Navigating Disappointment

Written By Ali Novitsky, MD

Disappointment comes up when things don’t unfold as we expected them to. It could be our own personal journeys, relationships, or other unforeseen circumstances. These feelings are hard and heavy, but there is a way to navigate through them. In this episode, I dive into the heart of disappointment, shedding light on why it happens and how it affects us, and give you some practical steps on how to navigate your way through disappointment.

How to Navigate Disappointment

  1. Talk through your disappointment

  2. Take space to process and understand

  3. Understand and be okay with the decision

  4. Decide what will serve you best

Listen to Episode 179 Here

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What is Disappointment

Disappointment is one of those emotions that we overlook because it is a common emotion. But it doesn’t feel small. It feels heavy and hurtful, and it often lingers for a long time. 

We feel disappointed when something doesn’t go our way or how we thought it would. This can happen with ourselves, with our relationships, and with events and circumstances outside our control. 

Feeling disappointed in a relationship or friendship is one of the most common sources of this emotion. But what I want you to remember about relationships is that they ended, or you felt disappointed because they didn’t have what you needed at the time. It also means that you didn’t have what they wanted, either.

Navigating Disappointment

It’s easy to accept your feelings of disappointment and let them send you into a spiral toward victim mentality, thinking about everything you did wrong and how you deserve this feeling. We have to be careful with the stories we tell ourselves.

So, what do you do when your expectations aren’t met? You think about what the next best decision is. There are three big ways to move on from feeling disappointed. Talk through your disappointment with the person who disappointed you. Take space to process and understand why you feel disappointed. Or understand and be okay with the decision. 

Finally, in this episode, I’m talking about what happens when we have to disappoint someone else. It’s okay to disappoint other people, so long as you’re crystal clear about why you’re doing that.

What’s something that has disappointed you recently? How did you navigate those feelings? Let me know in the comments below!

 In This Episode 

  • How disappointment feels in the gut [1:45]

  • Why disappointment occurs [6:15]

  • What happens when we feel disappointed in a relationship [11:30]

  • How disappointment can put us into victim mentality [13:15]

  • Why you have to be clear about the reason you’re going to disappoint somebody else [18:15]

Quotes

“Disappointment gets overlooked so easily. Because it’s so easy to say, ‘Oh, I was really disappointed,’ and it just sounds so normal.” [1:34]

“We have to communicate pretty clearly with ourselves what’s realistic and what’s not.” [10:04]

“We have to be careful about the stories we tell ourselves when we have undergone being disappointed or disappointing somebody else.” [13:11]

“It’s okay to not have the answer right now. It is okay to create space right now. This is a strong and powerful thing to do.” [15:45]

“What I want you to remember is that sometimes you have to [disappoint someone]. And, if you like your reason for it and you can stand solidly behind your reason, then disappointing others won’t feel like disappointing others. It becomes more neutral.” [29:31]

Resources Mentioned

Related Episodes

Episode 168: Self-Care Through Real Conversations with Dr. Kristi Angevine

Episode 173: Let's Get Uncomfortable

Episode 172: When In Doubt, Create Space

Ali Novitsky, MD https://www.mindbodymarriage.com
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