22. “I Don’t Know How To Feel My Feelings”

Sep 15

Key Takeaways

The next time you’re feeling something you think is outside your control, I want you to sit and notice what you’re actually going through. Break down the feeling, try to pinpoint where the emotion is actually stemming from. [5:00]

You need to allow your feelings to come inside. Recognize them, sit with them, understand them. I promise these feelings will dissipate much faster than if you keep pushing them away. [15:00]

Train yourself to feel your favorite emotion. Think about what this feels like, what color it is, where it sits in your body. When you’re feeling moments of stress, anxiety, or something that might seem outside your control, focus on returning to this favorite emotion. [24:00]

Not knowing how to feel your feelings is one of the most common complaints out there. It sounds so easy - “you just need to feel your feelings!” - but if you’ve never done this, or never even learned to, this can seem like an impossible task.

Listen to Episode 22 Here

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The Chief Complaint: “I Don’t Know How to Feel My Feelings.”

One of the most common questions I get after asking my clients what their feelings feel like is, “how?”. So many of us were never taught to identify our feelings. We were never encouraged to actually feel our feelings.

This leaves us exhausted, frustrated, and disconnected from what our feelings are actually telling us. And this is when we tend to yell, get angry, eat the pantry, drink a glass or two of wine, or start overexercising. When we do this, it’s called buffering - doing something in order to avoid feeling our feelings.

How to Start Feeling Your Feelings

The first step to feeling your feelings is, when you start buffering, to stop what you’re about to do and sit. When you give yourself this space, start turning inwards and asking yourself questions like:

Where is this feeling sitting in my body?

What color is it?

What external factors are at play here?

When we recognize what these feelings actually feel like inside our bodies, it becomes so much easier to start breaking out of these buffer zones. I also want to point out that each person in this world experiences emotions differently - what anger feels like for you might not be the same as what it feels like for your friends.

Once you’ve figured out how to identify your feelings, next you need to let yourself feel them. Actually feel them - don’t just push them aside anymore. And like everything, this will take time and practice, but the more often you allow yourself to sit with them, the easier it will get.

Learning How to Control Your Feelings

Now that you know how to feel your feelings and you’ve experienced what it’s like to actually sit with them, I’m sure it’s already easier for you. You’ll likely stop using your buffering techniques to avoid feeling your feelings.

In this episode, I cover what anger, frustration, and restlessness feel like. Each of these emotions can show up and feel like anxiety, but oftentimes they actually aren’t anxiety. Though it’s totally understandable how you can confuse these emotions!

Anxiety can feel like it’s showing up at any time we don’t allow ourselves to actually feel what our body wants us to feel.

What if you could control your emotions? What if you could stop yourself from getting too upset and leaning into those buffering moments? What if I told you that you can do this?

You can train yourself to feel your favorite emotion any time you want to. Once you’ve mastered how to feel your feelings, you can understand what your favorite emotion feels like. What it looks like, sounds like, what color it is.

When you have all of these aspects of this feeling within easy reach, you can call on it whenever you need to. This is such a wonderful outcome of finally allowing yourself to feel your feelings!

Homework for Women Physicians

The next time you’re buffering, I want you to stop reaching for whatever it is you normally would. Instead, I want you to sit and inspect what’s going through your mind and how your body is reacting. Let me know in the comments how this was for you!

In This Episode

What buffering is and how it relates to pushing our feelings aside [3:00]
Why it’s essential for us to identify the feelings that we’re feeling [5:45]
How to figure out where in your body you’re feeling a feeling [6:20]
What happens when we allow ourselves to feel our feelings [13:00]
Why restlessness can feel like anxiety and how this manifests in your life [17:30]
How you can teach yourself to switch your emotions any time you want to [24:00]

Quotes

“We have to be able to describe the feelings that we’re feeling in our body. Because each one of us as an individual is going to feel an emotion differently.” [5:42]

“If you can know the actions that you take when you have a certain feeling, you are going to gain great insight into who you are.” [10:54]

“Once we can understand that no feeling can ever hurt you, that you can feel any feeling, you will have all the power in the world.” [13:42]