62. Creating Boundaries to Grow with Dr. Sasha Shillcutt

Jun 23

Establishing boundaries is one of the healthiest practices you can do for yourself as a woman. Dr. Sasha Shillcutt joins us for her second episode all about boundaries. Why we set them, how to set them, and how life unfolds once we do.

Where to Set Boundaries

At Home
At Work
With Yourself
In Your Community
With Your Relationships

Listen to Episode 62 Here

Or listen on your favorite podcast app: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android

About Dr. Sasha Shillcutt

Sasha K. Shillcutt, MD, MS, FASE is a tenured and endowed Professor and the Vice-Chair of Strategy in the Department of Anesthesiology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center (UNMC). Sasha is the CEO & Founder of Brave Enough, a well-published researcher in cardiac anesthesiology and gender equity, author, and international speaker.

Sasha’s greatest passion is empowering and encouraging others to achieve well-being in their professional and personal lives. She speaks frequently to executives and leaders on the topics of professional resilience and gender equity. Her TEDx talk titled Resilience: The Art of Failing Forward has been viewed by thousands of people. Her writing has been published in both the New England Journal of Medicine and JAMA.

She leads conferences and retreats for professional women through her organization, Brave Enough. Her first book, Between Grit and Grace: How to be Feminine and Formidable, was released in February 2020.

Setting Boundaries

Societal expectations conditioned women not to have boundaries. The world actually relies on a woman’s lack of boundaries to exist. Think about it: childcare, housework, lower wages, and so much more.

Dr. Sasha Shillcutt believes that setting boundaries is the first step towards gender equity. But boundaries are not easy to set - and even harder to stick to once we have set them. You need to be firm, especially when you haven’t had any boundaries in the past.

You might think that the first place you need to set boundaries is at your place of work. But Sasha disagrees; the first place to set your boundaries is at home. Rely on the people who share your home to take their part in the housework and childcare.

Enforcing Your Boundaries

When you start to establish and uphold your boundaries, you’ll notice that other people will assert theirs, as well. Not only is this a healthy practice that might help you learn where you’re overstepping, but it also helps to reaffirm and build more trust in your relationships.

It’s also natural to get angry when someone crosses or doesn’t respect your boundary. But, as Sasha points out, you have to ask yourself if they know about your boundary.

While some boundaries might seem obvious, and you feel like you don’t actually have to say anything about them, that isn’t always the case. You can never overstate your boundaries. And if someone keeps pushing past yours when they know them, then that person isn’t respecting you!

Homework for Women Physicians

Do you struggle to say NO or unsubscribe from toxic situations? Take the free quiz and learn what kind of boundary-setter you are and discover resources that will teach you how to transform your to-do list to get more done and learn how to say NO and live guilt-free! Let me know in the comments below!

In This Episode

Why the world currently relies on women not having boundaries [2:30]
Why you constantly have to practice setting your boundaries [8:45]
How setting your own boundaries helps relationships grow [14:00]
Why you have to set boundaries at home, first [16:00]
Why you get angry when someone crosses your boundaries [24:45]

Quotes

“90% of the time when you have conflict or pain in your life, issues with people, or you have stress, it’s because you lack boundaries.” [1:29]

“We have to set boundaries, we have to change. Boundaries are the first step of gender equity.” [10:00]

“The biggest thing that I tell women is to start with their biggest pain point. All of us have a pain point. It could be a person, a family member, a project at work, or something that we’re avoiding like the plague because we don’t want to say no to it. It could be anything: part of our job, our community, whatever it is, I guarantee that you lack boundaries around it. Just start there. Just start asking yourself what boundaries be like? What would it look like to have boundaries around this?” [23:32]

“Your boundary does not exist unless you speak it into existence.” [26:16]